Food, Memory, and Love in Blindian Relationships

A South Indian vegetarian thali — a symphony of flavors served on a banana leaf, where each dish tells a story of region, ritual, and hospitality.

The First Meal We Shared

The first time I cooked my partner’s favorite festival dish, I burnt the spices — twice. But when his mother tasted it, she smiled. It wasn’t perfect, but it was the beginning of learning his food language.

In Blindian relationships — where Black and Indian, and more broadly Black × South Asian cultures meet — food often becomes the first bridge between worlds. It’s an exchange of flavors, stories, and unspoken rules that speak volumes about identity and belonging.

Food as a Language of Love

Many of us carry childhood memories rooted in kitchens — the scent of curry leaves, the clink of bangles, the rhythm of a mortar and pestle. These are more than recipes; they’re emotional archives.

For some, those memories mean festival sweets like payasam or maladu. For others, they mean Sunday dinners, jollof rice, or high-iron meals made for new mothers. In both Black and South Asian traditions, food is a sign of care: a way to say I see you, I’m here for you — without words.

In many Indian households, a common greeting is, “Have you eaten?” It’s not a question about hunger; it’s an expression of love and hospitality. For Blindian couples, learning each other’s food traditions means learning to speak that love fluently.

The Unspoken Rules Around the Table

Food carries more than taste. It carries rules — sometimes unspoken, sometimes fiercely enforced. In Blindian partnerships, this can mean navigating:

• Religion-based food practices

• Vegetarian or vegan traditions

• Regional cuisines within India’s “nation of nations”

• Access to specific ingredients abroad

• Recipes passed down in a language you don’t read

• 
  

Learning these rules is part of building trust. It’s also about understanding the messaging behind them — the subtle hierarchies, rituals, and markers of authenticity that are often invisible to outsiders.

From Cultural Novice to Intuition

Every Blindian couple moves through an evolution:

1. Curiosity — tasting something new, asking questions

2. Learning — attending family feasts, listening to food stories

3. Practice — cooking together, helping in the kitchen

4. Intuition — knowing the spice blend without measuring, plating with the right garnishes, anticipating the tea your partner wants without asking

5. 
   

This journey isn’t just about taste; it’s about cultural assimilation with humility and respect. It’s moving from reading the recipe to feeling the recipe.

Why It Matters

Spice and memory in motion — learning a partner’s food traditions often begins at the kitchen table, where ingredients, stories, and gestures are passed down by hand.

When you invest in understanding your partner’s food traditions, you’re doing more than cooking. You’re signaling commitment, building cultural capital, and creating shared moments that echo childhood kitchens on both sides.

In a world where family and friends might fear that a cross-cultural couple won’t “get” each other’s heritage, food becomes living proof that love can learn — and learn deeply.

Because when you can welcome your in-laws with a plate that tastes like home to them, you’ve built more than a meal. You’ve built a bridge.

@chellikeshavan, a South Indian, is a mother of two who is fiercely committed to anti-racism work and has been an advocate for reimagining structural systems in health and educational settings. She has a background in Child Development, Education, and Public Health.

Chelli currently serves as Executive Director at the Boston Association for Childbirth Education. In addition, she serves as a commissioner on her local Human Rights Commission and Co-Founded a Coalition of Families of Color in June of 2020. Chelli looks forward to connecting and learning through her editorial role at the #BlindianProject